In the contrast of illumination... - February 5, 2007

"This is what you deserve. You could be good today. But instead you choose tomorrow."--Marcus Aurelius

Ultimately, I think this is what drew me to Tucker at such a young age. As I sit and write this in a restaurant, some lady screaming in her cell phone, all I want to do is turn; to look her in the eye and berate her for her absurdities. To articulate my marvel at her ability to be both underdressed and obnoxious even in a hamburger place, to tell her that since she can't talk at a normal level, not only am I unable to concentrate, but I now know the disgusting minutia of her dating life But I don't, I never do. She just goes on making me miserable, distracting me, wasting my time, infuriating me. I tell myself that the next time I will, or if she keeps doing it. Or, I chuckle at my own cleverness and fail to take it a step further.

But I know that Tucker wouldn't put up with it--that I shouldn't put up with it. That's what Thompson meant when he talked about the tyranny of the rat race. We need inspiration, proof that life doesn't have to beat us into submission.

And with this in mind, I am able to see, in stark contrast, my own failures. They are illuminated--for all their pathetic rationalizations--against the backdrop of a life embodied by action instead of restraint. And amazingly, then the next time the 'next time' happens, I actually do open my mouth. When you see that relentless, rabid refusal to succumb to political correctness or that status-quo, you can't help but look inward.

And so what if I, or others, project more meaning then is actually there? What matter is it really, if we add significance where it is not inherently innate? Is there harm in manufacturing inspiration? What does society--or the individual--lose by being spurred to action?

I say nothing. And in retrospect, when I evaluate the effects of this influence on my life, I see nothing but progress. My principles remain intact, if not stronger than before. And honestly, they've never really been anything but respected--and never challenged. The repercussions have been what I expected: the loss of superficial friends who related to me with our mutual timidity. I find no surprise or regret in expelling sameness from my life. Nor should you.

My life, daily, is further dialed in, closer to a track I've chosen for myself rather than one chosen by someone else. Of course, it's a journey, not a transformation. It takes time. There are regressions--but I see them as proof of realness; exceptions that prove the rule, that indicate and solidify my commitment.

"To stop talking about what a good man is like, and just be one."--Marcus AureliusThe first step to progress is consciousness. Really, that's what Tucker brings to the table, the shock that forces you from your stupor. One that ironically, is indirect. He doesn't approach you and ask "are you happy?" That is up to you. Instead, he provides the contrast--evidence that induces the crashing realization that you've wasted so much time already. What Tucker and Aurelius have done was throw that first punch to wake me up, to bring my head back into the game. The rest is up to me, and we'll see how that goes...

Posted by ryanholiday at 10:26 AM

Print Friendly · Digg it · del.icio.us · StumbleUpon · Netscape

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.festeringass.com/mt/mt-tb.fcgi/544

Comment Policy:

Anonymous comments are allowed. All anonymous comments and comments from those not registered with TypeKey are moderated. They WILL NOT appear until they are read and approved by a moderator.

It is strongly encouraged that you sign up and login with a TypeKey account. Once you do that, your comments will be immediately posted.

Comments

I like your blog. I follow Tucker, and my own versions of Thompson and Aurelius (although I am keeping a list of the names you and he drop), as my inspirations in the same way.

I am only 20, and you are 19. I look at what you said about Tucker, about how he forces you to realize the time you've wasted, and am reminded of how I apply that same idea to my own life: "look at that guy, he's XX and only just now getting his shit together...I'm glad I'm only 20 and am on the same track."

But I can't do that anymore. I started thinking that way at 17, and 18, then 19, but now at 20 I've been one-upped, by you. Now it's, "look at this kid, he's 19 and thinking about the same stuff I do at 20. I better catch up."

But I know it's like running. I know there's no finish line to a leisurely run. But it's inspiration. It's, "wow, I was right; I really wasn't the only one doing all this shit in my teens." It's just one thing to tell yourself that all the while, and another to finally see it. So thanks for that.

Posted by: Mike Wallenstein at February 6, 2007 02:08 AM

I know this is a year late, but I have to say that some of the thoughts you've voiced so far in this blog are surprisingly similar to what I think about everyday. Right now I'm 17, in a month 18, and there was nothing I wanted more than to live a life that had meaning.

Now when I say that I don't mean that the worth I strive for is something that can be bestowed upon you by others. As in diplomas, job titles, fame; none of that is what I view as something that add true meaning to your life. Yet I see all of my friends strive for it, that recognition of being "better" than their peers through what titles they hold. Maybe this is why the most important thing to me right now is to analyze my life, and try to figure out what I truly want in it.

Now like everyone else here, I found meaning in tucker's writings. To me they aren't just funny stories about fucking, but rather a story about living your own life the way you want to live it.

I think too many people can say that, "well I do live my life the way I want," without really thinking about it. Do you honestly want to work a job pushing papers and playing office politics 9-5 mondays to fridays?

For me, I don't think I could handle that. If it wasn't something I cared about, I don't see how you could do that your entire life. I doubt that I have as much real life experience as these people, but I do know some of the things I want out of life. And I also know that they aren't something to be expected, but rather earned.

So I'd like to thank Tucker, and now you, for validating my thoughts. I can't wait to see what I make out of them.

Posted by: Anonymous at January 17, 2008 10:43 PM