Stop. Examine. Reconsider. - January 3, 2010
The first time a recovering addict thinks about relapsing and outsmarts the impulse, they've formed a additional layer of consciousness: a constant examination of why they might be driven to do something.
Most of us lack this. It's strange that in our most formative period we were not taught to think this way. Remember back to when you were a teenager. It was almost exclusively a matter of whether some was or was not allowed. Never: "why are you doing this?" "tell me what compels you to get so wasted?" "have you ever wondered why you want a 26 year old boyfriend?"
There is no prompting to question the desires themselves - only to check them against the posted rules and guidelines. This creates addicts. Addicts, losers, constant wall-crashers, the people who just can't seem to function like the rest of us. It strips you have the ability to notice patterns in your own behavior - to catch what strikes impartial observers as being obviously reactions or connections. Most importantly, you learn to make a habit of trusting "the little voice inside you" long before its developed a track record of success.
As a child, parents often recognize this duality. Excuse him, he's just upset because he hasn't had his nap yet. And later, in adulthood, we tacitly acknowledge it all the time. The serial single are supposed to recognize what causes them to submarine relationships and men are expected to resist the humorous temptations of their mid-life crisis. But where are these skills taught?
Certainly nowhere I've ever been. In fact, we pay lip service to the opposite all the time. Go with your gut. Do what feels right. Follow your own path. But we are the problem.
By definition, what addicts leave with is an ability that transcends the "self" in self-awareness. It is calling the credentials of your instincts into question - auditing them, forcing them to stand up under scrutiny. So while this might not technically be self-awareness, I think it is certainly a kind of self-respect. And do you really believe it's available only to people who have hit bottom?
Posted by ryanholiday at 5:13 PM
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No real comment - just praise. Really good post.
Posted by: Andrew at January 4, 2010 01:03 AM
I don't think it's ultimately something only people who have hit bottom have access to. Many psychologists help their patients realize that they have to accept and understand their "evolutionary impulses" and understand that thousands of years of evolution has not prepared us for the social and cognitive pressures of today.
However, people who haven't hit rock bottom never have any reason to understand these evolutionary double standards. For example, most people feel butterflies in their stomach before they go out on a date. A social anxiety patient might suffer from nausea, shortness of breath, and feelings of fear. The same fight-or-flight reaction is happening here, but the socially anxious person needs to develop the ability to understand and control the feelings brought about by their evolutionary traits. Basically, most people have a watershed moment that causes them to analyze their gut instincts. That sort of awareness of one's feelings usually doesn't just happen out of the blue.
Posted by: Mild Sedative at January 4, 2010 01:38 AM
"The Time Paradox" by Philip Zimbardo outlines an interesting framework for analyzing this problem. It also cites a study that shows impulse control in small children is one of the best indicators of future success, right up there with socioeconomic background.
To sum, inaccurately paraphrase and insert my own opinion, some of us live way too much in the moment and some others live way too much in the future. Balance is key.
The people who say go with your gut are probably the futures trying to give advice to the presents, which doesn't work - much like DARE, for example. DARE has no impact of drug use in schools because people who use drugs do it not out of ignorance, but because in the moment they do not care about future consequences.
Posted by: Matt Pettefer at January 4, 2010 05:22 AM
I'm a recovering heroin addict (actually right now I'm on a 2mg unprescribed buprenorphine dose every 72 hours because I'm an idiot and gave into the exact same "instinct" you discussed above that is faulty in me), and it almost feels like the old idea of an angel on one shoulder and a demon on the other. Unfortunately, if I don't work on distinguishing between the two, either one can seem correct depending on the circumstance. Definitely something I need to start actively working on again once I get off this shit (hopefully this week, but I've been putting it off because I don't want to deal with the withdrawals). Anyway, I didn't intend to write this much, but I just wanted to say I really liked what you wrote about blindly assuming our gut instinct is always right. But it's not! It's very often wrong, and I have to actively make the effort to be rational. ...Assuming being rational is the way to combat it?
Posted by: Sam Oats at January 4, 2010 04:49 PM
Motivation is basically everything in life. What you're describing can in some way be called meta-motivation.
Posted by: Vladimir Sedach at January 6, 2010 12:24 PM
Although your stoic demeanor will oobviously have you dissociate from praise.
Good post.
Posted by: Scott at January 6, 2010 12:43 PM
