Lose-Lose
A little over two years ago I wrote this post about driving that ended up being controversial. I was writing about this thing that seems to happen in LA where you find yourself in side street traffic and look up ahead and realize it is completely and needlessly the fault of one person. Now, I’ve learned since then not to get so angry about it but I still don’t understand how it happens.
I mean, don’t they notice? Don’t they see that there are many people behind them and none in front? And if a car honks in frustration, how do they justify getting upset at them?
I still think its a good metaphor too. What kind of life is that? To be the person that prevents someone else from what doing what they want to do, even if you think that activity might be unnecessary or dangerous. You don’t get anything out of it. There is no award for ‘keeping those speeding teenagers in line.’
You could use a bunch of different examples to make this point. Etiquette in waiting rooms, or reclining the seat on an airplane are good ones but driving is my favorite. If people are trying to get past and you’re the impediment, you should pull over—just as if your political views block reasonable requests from reasonable people, you should reevaluate how you came to those beliefs. You certainly shouldn’t be offended that those people would have the nerve to be upset at you about it.
Survey the scene and ask if you’re the problem. It’s never fun to find out the answer is yes, but it’s better continuing it any longer.
Hey Ryan,
I am one of those slow drivers. Except I agree with you above. I like to drive slow sometimes because I think it conserves gas – lower RPMs, though I may be wrong. However, I never do it on a single lane road. When there’s a passing lane I’ll drive the speed limit (slow), but single lane means move with the flow of traffic.
I truly believe that the problem stems from a much larger one: people are not very conscious or aware of what they do in life. From the small things like driving to larger issues like their relationships and career, most of us are taught to rely on our parents for values and instruction, and as we get older, that reliance shifts to society. — insert cliche about how most people are sheep —
If there are two thing I have learned in the past year that seem to fall in line with this post, they are that:
1) Some people like to try to exert control over situations and decisions in which they have no business. They believe they are correct in thinking a certain way, so they believe they have the right to try to steer others to their way of thinking as well.
This can be something as simple, like in your previous article, as someone believing that it is wrong to travel at any rate of speed above the speed limit, so they feel justified in slowing down traffic in the fast lane instead of doing the courteous thing and moving to another lane. Or it can be something as big as continuously creating roadblocks to legitimate legislation because of some moral imperative that is not shared by the majority;
and
2) People who live mediocre lives want others to wallow in mediocrity as well. They feel content when others around them are also mediocre. When those around them begin to excel, it makes them evaluate themselves and their lives in ways they would rather not.
I think there’s a good intention behind the metaphor, but it’s not a very good example. Probably because there’s too many contextual variables going on. There are just too many shades and levels of bad driving. And since it’s such an annoying part of the day for anyone in a big city, it’s easy to miss the point of this conversation completely. If you look at your earlier post regarding this, most comments are missing the point and going on tangents about what is good driving and what isn’t, and letting their emotions run wild.
As much as I’ve been stuck in a lane for absolutely no good reason by some jackass who decided to waste my time, I’ve also found myself in situations where IM the one in the front. And in completely reasonable circumstances. I don’t see why I should race at 90 miles-per-hour through a two-lane residential area filled with kids just because some neurotic jackass behind me is trying to shave a couple of seconds off his commute.
That’s not to say these drivers, these contagiously mediocre beings, don’t exist. I know a couple of them personally, and they really do get incredible kicks out of slowing people down for no good reason. I don’t really get what point they’re trying to make, but there they are. In the fast lane, at barely the speed limit, at 9am on a Monday. There’s also the bunch that didn’t realize, and when it’s brought to their attention that they’re driving badly, they have the nerve to get mad. Ego I guess. “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO” and that sortta phrases. It’s easier to bluff your way out of it, wailing and kicking and screaming, than to actually take a look, accept your wrongdoing, and maybe wave an apology. And try to pay attention to what happens outside your own little shell for christ’s sake.
Im not sure. I guess it’s too touchy a subject to work as a good example. Although it is a good exercise to try to harness your emotions in a discussion like this and not lose sight of what’s really being discussed, bad examples or not.
Regarding the actual issue that’s being discussed here, I agree with you. I think a large part of being able to do that in real time comes from being able to swallow your ego and look at things for what they really are. It may be even easier to start doing it in silly situations such as a sport, a game of monopoly, or even your everyday commute. “Am I really right? Am I wrong? Am I helping this group, or am I holding people back? Is the guy in front of me really driving slow, or should I start getting up earlier?”
Again, there’s a million shades to it, but I think harnessing yourself and not flying off the handle every time the going gets rough is a good first step towards clarity.
Why have your posts gotten so bad?
I think this definitely applies in the literal sense, such as traffic. However, people with extreme political views can hardly be reasoned with, thats how they developed those views in the first place. Same thing with religious fanatics. Do you think the westboro baptist church idiots stop and think about what they’re doing? Hell no. It can’t be expected of everyone in every sense, but it definitely applies in literal terms.
Ryan,
Traffic and slow drivers are very annoying, however, there was an interesting study that I read about where MIT mathematicians found good traffic models based on equations that describe detonation waves produced by explosions. According to these models, it seems that “…traffic jams are not necessarily caused by individual drivers behaving in a “wrong” way. In fact, they can even occur if all drivers behave by the exact same laws.”
I’m not entirely convinced that this theoretical world translates well to reality, but it’s interesting nonetheless: http://math.mit.edu/projects/traffic/
Meditations by Marcus (Hays)Page 80:
“49. It doesn’t bother you that weigh only x or y pounds and not three hundred. Why should it bother you that you only have x or y years to live and not more? You accept the limits placed on your body. Accept those placed on your time.”
I agree people who impede others are dicks but since their actions are an uncontrollable fact of life, they should be no more bothersome than the sky being blue.
And…?
The point is to notice when YOU are that person. When you are being bothersome. So you can stop.
I still disagree with you about driving mentality in general – but notwitstanding – it’s very easy to lump yourself into the intellectual elite, or the moral elite. Or any other kind of elite really.
Finding flaws in the way that others behave is at it’s core – a really easy thing to do. Declaring your way of doing things ‘better’ is equally easy.
What you’re viewing as an oblivious asshole acting without thought to annoy you needlessly is in all probability a guy who can’t afford another speeding fine or he’ll lose his licence and his job. What you see as geezers stopping whippersnappers from speeding because they’re old and shit, they see as stopping another moron from killing themselves or innocents – a part of their civic duty with an infinite reward of good karma.
I think it’s probably solid advice to look around you when either you, or other people are upset – and figure out if you’re the source of the problem and then figure out if what you’re doing is worth the goddamn problem.
I’ve recently said some things in a public venue that have made life difficult, awkward and uncomfortable for a number of people. Several people who I would have described as friends prior to the incident would now probably spit on me for calling attention to their flaws and raising issues that they didn’t want discussed.
I could have much more easily shut up and stood out of the way. I could have looked at the conflict and stopped being it’s source – but I felt (and still feel) that they were doing something dangerous and fundamentally wrong – so I took the action available to me to reduce some of that harm.
I also routinely drive at the speed limit even though people are honking and trying to go past me. Even when there’s no lane available for them to go around. Fuck them. I’m one ticket away from a suspended licence that will cost me a hefty chunk of income. I don’t care how unlikely it is that I’ll get caught. Them getting home 6 minutes faster isn’t worth the risk.
I completely agree with Ryan’s point to strive to be self-aware enough to know when you are preventing someone else from accomplishing their goals, but I think his example (side-street traffic) shows just how tricky it is to make this judgment about someone else.
Claiming to see one person “completely and needlessly” causing traffic sounds like a wild guess based on a low information diet. The person in the car could be on his/her way from a chemotherapy session, for example, or have spotted an oil slick and slowed down to prevent a wreck, or is (gasp) actually driving the speed limit.
There are literally millions of reasons Ryan isn’t considering in his example, and his statistical long shot of a guess (i.e.,old guy trying to keep teenagers in line) makes a potential good point sound like a frustrated kid’s text message.
Hello, you college dropout, soon to be unemployed pompous hack…watching you and your asshole hero go down in public like this is too awesome to even describe. Thanks for being such a douche. By the way, love you in that YouTube Hitler video, ass-wipe.
What about being considerate of the person who is driving slow; and not worrying about trying to force them into your idea how the situation should be. Accept; it’s not too hard.
I dunno Bill, I think it’s because one scenario is exclusive whereas the other is inclusive. In their world, they go slow in whichever lane they please, holding back everyone who wants to drive differently. In mine, the left lanes are used as they were designed, leaving slower drivers to go as slow as they please…in the slow lane.